If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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