just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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