It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
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I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
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I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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