There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
