I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
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