you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
