i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
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I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
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One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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