bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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