Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Randomize
