can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
