Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
is wine microwaveable?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
