If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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