Kiss
Puke
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
