Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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