So drunk its hurt
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
