I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
