You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
