Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
