thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
