dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
