Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
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I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
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