the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
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He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
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I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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