lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
did i walk over a car last night?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
