Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Why is there bacon in the couch?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
