I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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