She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
We had sex on a dog bed..
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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