walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
