You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
