Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
