I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
