doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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