So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
