Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
