yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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