that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
