i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
