if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
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Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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