life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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