You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
