I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
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