...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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