Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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