Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
