everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Randomize
