if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Randomize
