just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
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She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
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Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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