I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
