Where did you get a picture of my penis
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
