I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Let's get the cat blown out
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
