i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
