I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
