and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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