just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
You're breaking my sexual little heart
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
