she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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