People with herpes should wear stickers.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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