I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
