You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
