I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
