is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
