i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
