i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
