There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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