I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
