Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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