She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
