First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
