Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Randomize
