It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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