You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Send help, water and tortillas.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
