Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
