is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
