it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
