So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
