dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
