Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
