Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Randomize
