Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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