he shaved USA in his pubs
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
