My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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