M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
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