you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
