so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
